Have you seen it yet? Inside Out? Such a great little movie about all those emotions we have running around inside our heads. And how important they all are. The ‘good’ and the ‘bad’. Turns out the ‘bad’ aren’t so bad after all and if you don’t know what I’m talking about you’ll just have to go see it for yourself.
With Disney in on the importance of emotional intelligence, kids around the world now have a chance to learn something better than the stiff upper lip of previous generations. And that’s a great thing. Because as Jill Bolte Taylor puts it we are feeling beings that think. Not the other way round as most of the world wants us to believe.
Just stop and think about that for a moment.
We are feeling beings – that think.
So we really need to learn to manage our emotions if we want to succeed in life.
The thing is when we stick our heads in the sand or up the proverbial trying to pretend we don’t feel something it doesn’t work. Because the basis of our biology is emotional. Which means incoming information that enters your body every second of every day is processed by your emotional brain first. Only then does it hit our conscious awareness so you can think about it. So trying to pretend we don’t have emotions is no different to pretending we don’t have legs. And unless you’re a double amputee, we all have them. And we all have emotions. So it makes sense to learn how to manage them. How to master them.
It will be a great day when our kids report cards measure EQ as well as IQ. Maybe Disney has taken us one step closer. Our emotions, the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ are there to protect us. They need to be felt. Not rationalised. Not ignored. Not suppressed. Emotions need to be felt.
Your perceptions coupled with your mindset determine whether or not you achieve your goals. That is why it is in your interest to clear any hindrances that are not obvious especially the ones that lurk beneath your conscious mind; one such insidious game spoiler is The Story.
The Story is the wellworn narrative you tell yourself (and anyone who cares to listen) about why it is not possible for you to achieve your financial or health goals. Or why you will never find the partner of your dreams because you are convinced by the dreaded story about the lack of loving, dependable potential mates out there in the big bad world.
If left unchecked it morphs into The Burning Martyr Syndrome that looks to serve up the charred remains of what otherwise could have been a magnificent life of wealth, health and happiness.
How The Story got constructed may have been via some unpleasant/frightening experience where you felt threatened, vulnerable, diminished and certainly disempowered. It’s the feeling of helplessness, of not having the right of reply or being able to defend yourself that is likely to be at the root of The Never Ending Story.
I am not for a moment making light of past events where physical or emotional abuse, bullying or intimidation was inflicted upon you usually by an authority figure. Nor am I condoning the behavior of the person against whom you felt powerless.
But, running The Story is choosing to be the victim (still)
Essentially you are saying that unless the perpetrator apologizes, makes amends, shows remorse, acknowledges their mistake or is punished and now behaves in a manner that meets your approval, you cannot move on or be happy.
You are saying your sense of happiness is dependent on another person. Since when has another person been responsible for your happiness and fulfillment?
What if that person is dead? What then are your chances of getting closure?
You have no control over that event; however, what you do have absolute control over is how you choose to think, behave and act from that point in time.
So why are we loathe to let go of the story?
1) Because it justifies our reluctance to move on, (moving on takes effort). It allows us to take the high moral ground and feel self righteous. All the while each precious second that otherwise could have been dedicated to achieving what we want is frittered away.
2) Because of the time, emotional energy already vested in keeping it alive. The Story thrives on this emotional charge it receives with each retelling and reliving and takes on a life of its own. In fact there is scientific evidence to suggest that neural pathways associated with the memory and feelings are strengthened with each repeating of the event.
When will you give up on telling The Story?
When you have a big enough reason to; it will happen when you decide that it’s time to let go. For me it was simple as making a choice after I attended Illuminations Bootcamp. I recall Paul saying that until we sort out our relationships with father, mother, self and Source it will be a case of one step forwards two steps back, snakes and ladders and any other metaphor that illustrates the self sabotage and treachery your story supports.
I let go when I decided I had bigger fish to fry i.e., I identified huge personal and social goals I wanted to accomplish. It was when I got clear about why I am here and what I am to do until the day I am laid to rest.
Besides, the axe grinding was starting to lose its lustre and frankly it was beginning to be tiresome replaying the same event over and over again.
Funnily enough I had thought that I could never let it go because of all the anger, pain, angst that I had nursed through decades. Nah, that’s over rated; it’s perpetuated by people who have yet to discover their raison d’etre, that’s all.
The ball is in your court. What choice will you make today?