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Tag habits

Getting Comfortable

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Have you taken a moment lately to realise how privileged we are? Living in a place where we don’t just have to focus on survival. Instead we actually get the chance to thrive. The opportunity to see what’s not working in our lives and take steps to change it. Of course, there’s always the choice to continue living on autopilot. But for those people who want to take control of their lives and actually create their own future, consciously and deliberately, as humans we have the mental tools that enable us to do just that. How good is that!

 

This week we received the most awesome letter from a woman who’s been coaching with us and one our great coaches for the last couple of years. And she has made the most incredible changes in her life. Financially and personally. Which makes sense when you realise one is simply a reflection of the other.

But the thing that really sticks out in her letter is how she became comfortable with being uncomfortable. Because learning to do something different, learning to be someone different, really is uncomfortable. All credit to her.

 

As I’ve said before, change is like learning to drive a car. The first time you do it you can’t concentrate on anything else. You have to be fully focussed. You can’t talk to the person in the passenger seat or listen to music at the same time as concentrating on the road and all those dials and pedals. And talk about having to have eyes in the back of your head. Everything is new and it all feels wrong. And that’s because it’s unfamiliar. You haven’t got the wiring in place yet. But as you practise it all becomes easier. Much easier. How many of you have driven somewhere and got there without realising how you did it?

 

Change IS uncomfortable. And that’s because we’re turning our back on old familiar habits in order to create something better. But the problem is many people give up when they feel uncomfortable choosing instead to stay stuck in old patterns. Because it feels easier to stay stuck with what’s familiar. And even if we don’t like it very much we’ve learned how to do life that way. But when we realise that discomfort is actually an awesome sign that you’re now doing something new, it makes it easier to stick with it. To do it again and again until it becomes automatic. Because the discomfort means you’ve broken away from the old habits and now anything and everything is possible.

 

So the next time you make a change just notice how uncomfortable you feel. And celebrate.

 

What will you change?

 

 

Two to tango

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How do you change the way other people behave?

Short answer, you can’t.

But have you ever noticed that when they behave a particular way you behave in an equally predictable way?

The thing is we all get stuck in a particular way of behaving. And by the time we’re in our 30s our repertoire has become pretty narrow. Not quite hardwired, but pretty close. We get so good at what we practise.

Take for instance the people in your life that are always losing things. And you keep finding them. Or replacing them. Or take the person who keeps making mistakes and you keep fixing them. Or the partner who’s just too lazy to help around the house so you do it all. Well they’re going to just keep losing things, the mistakes will continue and you’ll keep doing all the work. Because there’s no real consequence for the other person that will force them to change. No reason for them to do something different.

When we behave in a predictable way we actually keep the problem going. Because it allows the other person to keep getting away with their less than ideal behaviour. It’s like a dance.

But what happens if we change things?

We stop fixing things, finding things, doing things?

Well my guess is the other person is going to have to do something different, aren’t they. Mightn’t like it. Might chuck the biggest tantrum because you’ve upset the status quo. You’re no longer doing what’s expected. But hey, what have you got to lose? You’re not happy with it anyway. My bet is you’ve got everything to gain.

As Ghandi said, be the change you want to see.

Want something different?

Why not make a change?

  

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”

Ghandi