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Tag relationships

Believe it or not

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If a 30 second ad can sell you a product, could a 30 minute soap opera sell you a belief system? You betcha it can.

The whole industry of advertising is based on the fact that as humans we are suggestible. In other words, we are capable of taking on other people’s ideas. But it doesn’t just happen in advertising. How many of us have taken on our parents’ ideas, our teachers’, our cultures’, our religions’ without really examining if those ideas are of benefit to us or not.

After all there are so many ideas and beliefs that can sneak in there and really screw us up so it’s really worth checking them out for ourselves.

The problem is we often don’t even realise that those beliefs are there. Taken on board without us even noticing they just tick away at that subconscious level, influencing our thoughts, our actions and in the end the world we create for ourselves.

So how do you uncover the beliefs running your life? You could start by listening to your self-talk. Become the observer. Notice what you say about different aspects of your life. Pick one area, for example let’s say relationships, and begin to notice what you say to yourself about the people in your life. Your feelings, your thoughts. And then notice the patterns. What seems to keep happening in your relationships with others. What do you keep attracting? What do your bust ups, what do your arguments reveal about what you believe?

As Gandhi said, ‘Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny’. Makes your beliefs pretty important then doesn’t it.

Knowledge is power and once you know what you believe if you don’t like it, you can do something about it.

Are you living your life or someone else’s?

What beliefs are you passing on to those around you?

Two to tango

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How do you change the way other people behave?

Short answer, you can’t.

But have you ever noticed that when they behave a particular way you behave in an equally predictable way?

The thing is we all get stuck in a particular way of behaving. And by the time we’re in our 30s our repertoire has become pretty narrow. Not quite hardwired, but pretty close. We get so good at what we practise.

Take for instance the people in your life that are always losing things. And you keep finding them. Or replacing them. Or take the person who keeps making mistakes and you keep fixing them. Or the partner who’s just too lazy to help around the house so you do it all. Well they’re going to just keep losing things, the mistakes will continue and you’ll keep doing all the work. Because there’s no real consequence for the other person that will force them to change. No reason for them to do something different.

When we behave in a predictable way we actually keep the problem going. Because it allows the other person to keep getting away with their less than ideal behaviour. It’s like a dance.

But what happens if we change things?

We stop fixing things, finding things, doing things?

Well my guess is the other person is going to have to do something different, aren’t they. Mightn’t like it. Might chuck the biggest tantrum because you’ve upset the status quo. You’re no longer doing what’s expected. But hey, what have you got to lose? You’re not happy with it anyway. My bet is you’ve got everything to gain.

As Ghandi said, be the change you want to see.

Want something different?

Why not make a change?

  

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”

Ghandi

 

Mystery

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They’ve recently opened a new bar in Canberra. It’s called Molly’s. A speakeasy whose whereabouts remains to be found. With only a mysterious set of co-ordinates and a naked light bulb above an unmarked door to identify it, this place fully engages the human psyche with its intrigue… and begs to be discovered.

Needless to say talk about Molly’s is spreading like wildfire.

Contagious is what they call it and it works.

And then there’s the mystery tweeter #hiddencash, hiding money in San Francisco. Talk about creating chaos and instant happiness. A hundred bucks or so hidden in envelopes around the city with clues to the location given via twitter.  And now the movement is heading around the globe. Last look the mystery tweeter had 610K followers (that’s 610 thousand folks) in just on a month. And the most awesome bit is the mindset of abundance that grows as people who find the money pay it forward.

Everyone loves a mystery. It’s in our nature. Because let’s face it, the humdrum of day to day life can get boring, can’t it. Mundane and predictable our senses dull and so too does our zest for living.  But the great news is it only takes a bit of mystery to lift us out of the daily grind and into the arena of the new and exciting. And that’s a pretty easy fix, isn’t it. Doesn’t need to cost much but gives so much in return. I’ve seen it happen countless times. Relationships for instance on the verge of collapse recharged simply by introducing the excitement of uncertainty. A slice of mystery reigniting the romance and the spark burns bright again.

Business, philanthropy, relationships… adding a bit of mystery can work miracles. The excitement that comes with the uncertainty spicing up what we once thought lost.

Where can you add some mystery to spice up your life today?

Getting some perspective

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Listening to the news is bittersweet. While I love to stay on top of the latest and greatest, there are the stories that break my heart.

Take this week’s tragedy. Two young boys found wandering on the highway after seeing their dad killed by a train. To know such pain at only 5 and 6 years of age. Who knows how they will process the trauma of that.

What I do know is that they will never be the same again.

And it puts it all in perspective, doesn’t it. You know, those first world problems we all worry about. They pale into insignificance, don’t they. And as painful as it can be to hear these stories, if we stop to process the gravity of what other’s have to deal with, it can help us to be so much more appreciative of all that is right in our lives. Grounding us once again in the now which is the only place to really be. Helping us get clear on what’s really important. Connecting us, one human being to another.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to shape a person’s destiny. I have to trust this is true for these two little boys.

So as you send this family your loving thoughts, take a moment to gain some perspective on the big and small things that may be troubling you and give gratitude once again for all that is good in your life.

The Money Game

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I was reading a post by one of our coaches recently. And he shared the thoughts of a guy, recently divorced, who had some tips on how to keep a marriage alive and happy. Brilliant, insightful stuff. Learned the hard way. But when you learn something the hard way, it’s never forgotten, is it. This guy’s next marriage is guaranteed to be awesome.

And he’s really on the mark about the issue of money. After all, financial worries can really stress a marriage, can’t they. Especially at this time of year. And he puts it quite simply. Money is a game. A game you can play together. As Mary says, just numbers on a page. And the thing is, when we look at money from this perspective it does wonders to lighten the stress. Because games are designed to be fun, aren’t they.

When I work with people it often surprises them when they discover just how much their performance can suffer under pressure. Most people don’t realise tension produces poor performance. Well, maybe we know this in the bedroom. But it happens in all areas of our lives. And it’s a scientific fact that when we’re under pressure, most of us don’t think so clearly. And our brains can go to mush as the adrenalin gets the better of our minds, not to mention our bodies. Not surprising then we make poorer decisions.

When it all gets too serious, it’s a sign things aren’t going so well. Time to do something different. Time to lighten up.

Sure there are exceptions. People who actually perform better under pressure. And these are the people who have learned how to manage the stress. Because they’ve discovered one of the great secrets of financial success, in business and in life, is to have fun. And while the business of money can be serious, the people that win the money game are the ones who know how to introduce a lightness into the situation, despite the pressure. Allowing them to see all possibilities. All those opportunities just waiting to be discovered.

Having fun. It’s an essential financial asset.

And a choice we can all make daily.

Where can you create more fun?

Little Bits of Gold

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Effective listening. It’s such an important skill. Because it allows you to pick up all those little bits of gold that are floating out there in the ether. But few people practise it. Too busy with their own thoughts and the next sentence in their mouth to hear other people’s wisdom. Too caught up in their own lives to pay attention to someone else’s.

But wisdom is all around us if you stop and listen. And just stopping to take the time to listen to other people’s stories can do wonders to enrich your life. Because it brings connection, and that’s essential for the human psyche. Huge rewards in such a simple act. Maybe it’s the woman at the supermarket. Maybe it’s the guy who collects your garbage.  Maybe it’s the business man you stand behind in the coffee queue. Maybe it’s the homeless guy down the street. Many people don’t realize just how much it pays to listen.  And be in the moment. Because we’re all experts. Experts at doing life our own way. And we can learn so much from each other.

I am fortunate to have friends who don’t know their own wisdom. But I recognize it in them. And when they speak, I listen. And I learn. Pearls of wisdom. Little bits of gold. Brilliant at what they do, but humble too. Not realizing the gifts they have to share. I often wonder just how many successful ideas have come just by listening to other people’s needs and then devising ways to meet them. Or how many casual acquaintances have become life long friendships because someone chose to listen.

The art of listening. It’s such a gift.

What could you gain by becoming a more effective listener?

What would it mean to your relationships, your work, your business and your life?

Reaching the Far Side

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I love the Far Side. And one of my favourite Gary Larson cartoons is ‘School for the Gifted’. Depicting a studious young man pushing with all his might against a door. Only problem is the sign on the door reads ‘pull’.

Pushing when you need to pull is just so counterproductive, isn’t it.

No amount of effort is going to get him what he wants.

Because no matter what we’re doing in life, our efforts need to be directed the right way, don’t they. Take business for instance. We can put so much effort into marketing but if we’re marketing to the wrong people it ain’t gonna work. And then there’s relationships. We can be putting lots of effort into loving our significant others, but if we’re speaking a different love language it’s not going to get noticed.

And the result is we feel frustrated in our efforts.

But frustration is just a sign that you haven’t tweaked it quite right yet. Remember Edison? He tweaked it thousands of times to give us an efficient electric light bulb. That’s staying power.

Unfortunately Edison is a rarity. Because many people give it all up too soon. Frustrated by missing the mark despite all the energy spent in trying to make it happen. Not realizing that a small shift in mindset, a small shift in understanding, a small shift in the way we see things may be all that is required to make our dreams the reality we long for.

Same effort. Sometimes less. Better focus

The possibilities are limitless.

What have you got to do to open that door?

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

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It”s an interesting thing how we attract people into our lives, isn”t it. And some we walk with for a lifetime. Others for just a little while. But always, always I have discovered these people that share my life are there to reflect back to me where I need to grow. Which makes them just the right people at just the right time. My perfect match.

Because it seems that life is one never ending onion. And that makes sense, doesn”t it. After all, if we”re spiritual beings having a physical experience there is always an opportunity for us to grow and evolve. I reckon even the Dalai Lama, as enlightened as he is, still grows daily. That’s just who we are. And how we’re meant to be.

Which brings me to the point that I don’t always like what I see in the mirror. Sometimes it fills me with frustration. And sometimes other uncomfortable feelings. But then when I remember I”m just looking in the mirror I realize the gift I am being given. My next lesson in my spiritual, emotional, mental or physical growth. Sometimes all of them.

So take some time to have a look at your mirrors. Because the people that are pressing your buttons may just be your greatest gift…